Expectations/Reality

Sometimes you have higher expectations for yourself, events, friends, potential love interests, and other events but in the end, the reality rears it's ugly head when things start to finally clear up.

Expectations vs Reality has led me to be disappointed in things over the years.  But the biggest one is "Where you are in life right now".  Your expectations of yourself vs the reality of where you are right now in life.  And sure,  I'm young but I feel old and it's stupid to feel old at 23 (heading towards 24) but I expected better from myself at this point in my life and I'm just not cutting it even for my own personal standards of myself.

Dealing with Anxiety isn't helping me much either but I'm trying and I guess that's the best thing I can say about myself right now.  The expectations of social events is also frustrating, having a friend make you have high expectations of a party or weekend to only be disappointed by them.  It's a damn shame.  But sooner or later,  I'm going to realize that partying, heavy drinking, and social stupidity is getting old.

I don't know if Anxiety is a form of depression (is it? I'm not sure sometimes) but this is what I'm dealing with right now.  I hate being let down,  I hate letting myself down even more but expectations vs reality is a part of life.   I keep telling myself  "I'll turn things around" but I think I'm just lying to myself to try to keep my body at ease.

I don't even know what to do regarding this weekend,  It's Halloween out of nowhere and I don't even know if I'll be in festive spirits.  Maybe it's the drinking,  maybe it's the letdowns, maybe it's my tough expectations of myself but I'm feeling a little lost in life right now and I'd like to escape these feelings but I'm not going to.

All I can do is keep my head held high, keep in touch with my friends and be glad that they care about me and just make best of everything going around me.  I'm going to see if I can get my anxiety prescription back.  I'm not the biggest believer in drugs helping people but I'm willing to go back and see if things change again.  Maybe I should have never stopped in the first place.

I will say though,  thank God for Football and music.  I'd be a zombie of society without them.

I like this blog because it lets me open up to my facebook friends about my life.  I know a lot of you love me for who I am but I do have some personal demons, this is my personal form of creative expression.

That's all I have right now,  I'm sure I'll have another update soon.

Everyone have a safe and great Halloween week and weekend.