Tomorrow is my last day in the Alliance Beverage warehouse, my transfer to becoming a merchandiser will finally begin on Monday. A brand new career after three years of ups and downs in the warehouse. I'm terrified yet excited to begin this new adventure. I think my experience in the warehouse will help me out since I know the product and I know how to stock beer and wine. My anxiety (my crutch) is the only thing holding me back from being absolutely confident in myself.
Now the job requires a lot of driving and I am not the most gifted navigator but I think I'm a moderate driver. I'm not a pro but I'm not a bumbling mess. Thank God for GPS is all I can say. I'd get lost without it. So back to the topic at hand, I'm almost 26 and I feel like 30 looms even closer as the years get shorter and my options get smaller. Now sure 26 is not 30 and gives me a 4 year cushion but why am I so focused on 30? Well, I feel like by the time you're 30, you should have a solid grasp of your career and life but now at 25, I still feel lost and well, the future freaks me out.
I wish I could live in the NOW but I live in the WHEN. When will I move out? When will I find a loving and lasting relationship? When will I be happy with my career? When is it going to be too late? When am I going to stop making the same stupid damn mistakes?
It's always when and not now.
I need to live in the now and forget the future but the future is just another example of my anxiety driving me insane (mentally). I compare my anxiety to two brothers, one who lives upstate and one who lives downtown. Sometimes they get together to have a beer and watch a game and that's when my mind kicks into anxiety overdrive.
If I could put my mind at ease, things would be better but until I overcome my anxiety, the future will continue to freak me out.
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