Coasting.

• Stuck in neutral
• Going nowhere fast
• Quicksand

Coasting.  That's what I can say about my life right now.  I'm coasting through it all.  All the checks are straight down the middle, they're not to the left but they're not to the right.  I'm right in the middle. I don't have it figured out but I'm not a chicken with its head cut off.  But am I happy with coasting?  Do I know I'm coasting?  Absolutely and I hate it.

Trust me, I'd love to assert myself, make a name for myself but it's like an invisible force is holding me back.  The force known as self doubt.  Self doubt is the worst.  I've learned to accept my job, I don't love it but I don't hate it.  The good news is the frustrations are behind me and every day gets better, no longer do I feel upset or depressed at work,  I'm just like "eh it's better than what I used to do".

Having your work life solidified is one step in the right direction to getting your shit together but at the same time there is the reeling feeling that you know deep in your heart...You don't want to do this forever.  This job is here to pay rent, for my car, for my frivolous spending habits (at times).  I don't see myself making a career here.  It's a safety net while I figure out my true calling.  Just wish I knew what I was doing...

We're into the 2nd month of 2016.  January was alright, I turned 25, didn't seem to care (you can only have so many hangovers before you avoid them)  but overall outside of some upsetting celebrity deaths, January wasn't bad.  It's now February, I didn't really have a resolution for 2016.  I'm just used to more of the same.  I guess the only major change I made is listening to B93 and Country music lol.  Country music has good lyrics that come from the heart and it took me too long to realize that I really relate and feel things from this music.

And here I go going on another tangent when the topic at hand is coasting.  I am coasting through life and I hate it and I need to use these next few months to get those checks to the right side of the page but this time on the page of life.  Coasting gets you nowhere in life, the doers of this world are people with the checks to the right.  People like me have the checks in the middle.  I'm sick of being the guy with the checks in the middle.  And yet...I don't try.

Something's gotta give.