When Sadness Becomes Anger.

Well...

I'm about fed up.

I just don't get it.

I just don't get it.

Why do I have to deal with being treated like this?

The one person I've tried to gain respect from despite how I feel about them and yet they treat me like a child.  A freaking child.  It's never her fault,  no it's always my fault.   I'm sick of dealing with this woman on a day to day basis.  I've had to deal with some crappy things in past employments but this takes the damn cake.

I'm not sad or upset anymore,  I don't have emotional outburst.  I have fits of uncontrollable rage/anger where I'm just pissed off with how I'm being treated.  Today was a bad day,  another shouting match between me and her telling me she doesn't like my mouth when I'm just trying to stand up for myself.  Well I don't like your management style.  I don't like being treated like a child.  I'm a grown man.  I'm going to be 24 years old in January.  Show me some damn respect instead of blaming me for all of our shortcomings and constantly having such an unpleasant attitude/tone with everything that happens.

I'm angry at myself.   I am not where I want to be right now in life.  I'm doing a job that just pisses me off and leaves me emotionally drained nightly because my superior won't respect/doesn't respect and  has the most frustration personality I've ever dealt with in my years of employment.   I wish I had done better in school,  I wish I had gone to college, I wish I was a writer.   I wish I was doing a job I loved but I don't know if I'll ever find a job I truly love.  I basically trudge along with this job.

Truth be told,  the people I work for are great EXCEPT FOR HER.  Everything is great...EXCEPT FOR HER.  She makes work so much more hurtful and emotional.  She's emotionally draining, she doesn't care about your problems and she constantly does this routine where if you question something she says she'll say "EXCUSE ME?" in such a rude tone.  She just pisses me off now, but everyone has a frustrating boss.  Or maybe you and your boss are best friends and hey, good for you if that's the case.

And I know some of you (if you're reading this) will probably tell me "well get a new job or get two new jobs".  I can't.  This is my job.  This is the job I'm sticking with till I get my writing career going or something comes along.  (plus I'm paying off my new car and money will be tight)  Like I said,  everything here is fine but her.  She is the thorn in my side.  "Well how about you report her, Eric?"  I have no case.  She's in charge of the department,  we're her minions.  We do what she says, we get the job done, and we get scolded when we screw up.  So much fun that's she's a former Navy drill sergeant too.  WHAT A GREAT HIRE.

Anyways friends,  I just needed to vent.  I'm going through a rough patch.  The holidays always hit me hard.  My life would be so much better if I didn't have to deal with her but I'm just gonna keep going with the robot routine but it hit a snag today,  I was sick of being treated this way and snapped. I demand respect but I have yet to receive any from this manager. If I do get fired, it was probably for the greater good.

In closing,  I think it's time to admit that maybe my mental health is now in question and I think I'm going to schedule an appointment to be checked for bipolar disorder and or depression.  Better to know now than just soak in misery.