The Scarecrow wished he had a brain.
The Tin Man wished he had a heart.
Sometimes I feel like the Scarecrow, like I don't have a brain. Like only someone brainless would do some of the things I've done. A costly lesson happened this weekend, I won't go into details but I am fine but it made me see the bigger picture when it comes to drinking. Excess is overabundance, Regress is progress. I think I'm done with downtown GR for quite awhile. I seem to just have bad times and then make bad decisions from there. The thing with downtown is you just keep going and going if you can't stop yourself, and that in itself is a problem. Now I love beer and I love a nice mixed drink or a shot but I just think maybe I'm overdoing it. I try to believe in moderation but something about downtown just turns me into this moron who thinks he's God or something. I feel like my overconfidence may have become one of my worst traits. I mean yeah, I'm amazed how much I can stomach and not puke but damn do hangovers suck. The older you get, the worst they are. Drinking is a great social tool but when you lose control over yourself, that's when you might want to put the bottle down.
So I'm cutting back. Part of me wants to try sobriety but I just like beer too much (and all the craft options) to go cold turkey. So I guess I'm gonna try the 1,2,3 option. 1-3 beers tops. Shots are devil btw. But who can turn down a free shot? I don't know how many lessons I need to give myself before I learn to cool it but this might be the one. It's time to cut back.
The Tin Man wished he had a heart. Sometimes I wish I didn't have a heart like the Tin Man. There's a great song by the band Say Anything called "I Used To Have A Heart". It's a great song. When the heart hurts, it's a deep hurt. My heart hurts more often than usual. Regret is my least favorite feeling in the world. And all I have recently is regret. Regret for my actions and the way I lost control of myself. I hate feeling regret. And I hate how much I care about people I barely know. Online dating is so weird because you open yourself up to this person you barely know, like all this emotional baggage and we barely know each other? Why? Why are we doing this to each other. I almost want to take a break from finding a significant other. Focus on other thing. This summer, it's a sludge. My hours are cut back at work, I'm probably not moving out anytime soon and I probably hate my job deep down inside. All I know is the first step is cutting back. No more drunk Walsh, no more hangovers, no more idiotic thinking.
I'm done with all this nonsense.
