You wasted life, why wouldn't you waste death?
Hey everyone (whoever you are that read this...or actually enjoy reading this), it's been a while since my last blog post. I think that's part of the problem but I guess I'll just keep going. I guess my issue is I really don't write unless I feel like venting or feel like pouring my heart out into a column. I haven't written anything since my "break up" with Anna but at the same time, maybe I didn't feel like writing anything. And maybe I don't feel like writing anything because...maybe I don't have the passion for writing I think I once had.
When I was a kid, I dreamed of being a chef because of all the kooky conconctions I would make in the kitchen and I even showed interest in cooking when I was younger (there a pic of a young Walsh making chicken manicotti somewhere in this house) but it just like all faded away...and yet, I still watch cooking shows religiously ( I love Cutthroat Kitchen and MasterChef) and I guess it's just me living vicariously through the contestants wishing I would have achieved some sort of culinary zen but I didn't and won't. And I know, well just go to Culinary school and become the chef you want to be! That ship has sailed my friends.
And then I was like I'm a pretty creative writer and I do enjoy writing so then I decided I wanted to be a writer, at first I considered being an author, then it was a journalist, now I want to consider comedy writing, but here's the spoiler alert...I'm not going to make any attempt of achieving my goals in life. Now you're probably thinking "Why is Walsh being so hard on himself?". Well the truth of the matter is I know I won't achieve these goals because deep down inside I'm just stuck on the same neutral path that I have put myself on so far.
I'll put it it out there that I am going back to school in May to finish my degree (Associates mind you) from GRCC but honestly what good is that degree going to do me? Not much if I'm brutally honest, I think it's more of an issue of accomplishing the degree because I've gone too long to not successfully complete the program. So now you're probably wondering what drew me to make this blog post. Well today at work, I got completely thrown under the bus and it kinda hurt my ego (and spirit). Not going to go into detail but basically my superior was talking about me to a coworker behind my back and made me have a reality check where I stood on the employee hierarchy.
The truth is I probably hate my job but the pay is too good but I just feel like I can't get no respect no matter where I work, All three of my jobs I've had I had issues with the management of the company, there's always a thorn in my side, it never changes, it's getting annoying. So I should get a new job right? Wrong, because despite how much I don't like it...I'm perfectly fine where I am.
AND THAT MY FRIENDS IS MY CRUTCH.
I don't move, I don't act, I just stay put..constantly.
Basically I have no motivation/desires to move up (in any aspect of life).
Employement: I have no desire in working for this company long term
Schooling: It's taken me almost six years to get a two year degree
Housing: Still living at home at 24..not looking like I'll move out anytime soon.
Relationships: I have self sabotoged myself with every girl I've ever dated/had a date with.
I'm fine with the mundane? What is this sorcery!
So if you've made it this far, I should give you a medal because this was basically just a giant rant on my views of how I view myself currently, I'm my harshest critic and that's well apparent. So the question I have to ask myself is do I ever really want to move forward in life or do I want to just ride the mundane wave for as many years as I see fit?
Did I write all of this because I got dissed at work?
Did I write all of this because I wish I had a career?
Did I write all of this because I have no idea what I'm doing?
Did I write all of this because I just wanted to pour it onto paper?
Maybe the answer is all four.
If anything writing is a hobby,
Can I make a career out of it?
Only God knows.
